I have had the fortunate opportunity to be a part of hundreds of conversations with spouses surrounding one of the most sensitive topics.
HEALTH.
Over the years, I have seen some excellent examples of relationships that work very well.
These conversations exemplify the genuine care that these couples have for one another. Even after decades of being together.
Of course, there are other instances where the examples are… not so great.
True colors are often shown. Revealing some long-held grudges or unresolved disagreements.
Frustrations mount and the end result is usually not a good one.
This experience has allowed me to see patterns on what works well with keeping couples together for the long haul.
So, I wanted to share my observations with you.
Let me start off by saying…
My wife and I have been married for 12 years. We have had the pleasure of never having an argument!
In fact, the past 12 years have been filled with one positive experience building upon the next.
(if you buy that I have some oceanfront property in AZ to sell you) 😉
By no means are we perfect. We have worked hard at being together.
But I am proud to say that we are both thrilled with our relationship AND look forward to growing old and ridiculous together.
(yes, I asked her)
Stay Together for the Long Haul
As a fair warning, these three things are simple but not EASY.
Especially in the heat of a discussion when you are sure you are right.
1. Be Relentlessly Supportive of Your Spouse.
When you do not see eye to eye. keep in mind it is never you vs them.
The REAL problem is the unresolved situation and you must work together to solve it.
If you keep in the front of your mind that you deeply care about this person and you want to help find a solution. You will often find neither of you has to sacrifice very much.
The problem is never them, it is the unresolved situation.
2. Do NOT Raise Your Voice.
When voices get louder and more passionate. Tempers flare and hurtful things are said.
It is very typical for your people to meet you at your level.
If you’re screaming and yelling, chances are they will scream and yell back.
It is a rule between my wife and I that we do not yell at each other.
We established this very early on in our relationship and it has been a miracle worker.
I will be honest with you, it was a difficult skill to learn at first. Especially if yelling is your default.
Many times in the beginning I could not say anything at all for fear of yelling.
3. Give Her the Last Shrimp.
Occasionally we have seafood night. And do we go all out! We have crab, shrimp, mussels, rice pilaf, garlic butter, the whole nine yards.
Invariably we eat it all.
All down to the very last shrimp.
My wife and I have come to the conclusion that true love is expressed when you give the last shrimp to your significant other.
It’s the small gestures that build up over time.
Opening the door, holding hands, foot rubs, letting her go shopping, and yes even giving her the last shrimp.
Relationships can be viewed like a bank account. You are either depositing or withdrawing.
How many deposits have you given your spouse’s bank account lately?
Chat Soon!
Dr. Sauer
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